'This is wild behavior': Overbearing grandmother trash talks 20-year-old daughter-in-law in front of her 2-year old, faces backlash

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Sep 9, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

It's important to have intergenerational input in your household. We can learn from our elders, and if we're lucky enough to have them around, we should. They teach us things, give us perspective, and give us a chance to show our kids how we'd like to be treated when we're old. Too often, older generations are shuttered out of view, visited only on special occasions. But of course, there's a balancing that comes with this. Any family has family tensions, and it compounds when you get different generations in the mix. 

And if there's one thing that's hard to agree on, it's parenting. Everyone has their own style, method, and relationship with their children, and when they clash, feelings can get hurt. That's what happened to one young mother whose mother-in-law stirred up some trouble. After she reached a breaking point, commenters were quick to set her straight. Read on for the story.

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    AITA for refusing to let my mother-in-law see my son after she keeps trying to interfere in my marriage?
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    I (20F) am currently pregnant with my second child, and I have a 2-year-old son with my husband (24M). My relationship with my mother-in-law (MIL) has been rocky from the start, but things have gotten worse since my son was born.
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    MIL never really liked me. She made it clear she thought her son could do better, even though my husband and I have been together for 4 years and are happy. From the beginning, she's always tried to make everything about her and my husband. She's constantly inviting him to dinners and events without including me, calling him multiple times a day, and making comments like, "No one will ever love you as much as I do."
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    At first, I tried to be understanding. I know she's a single mom and my husband is her only child, but it's getting out of hand. Whenever she visits, she tries to undermine me in front of my son. She'll say things like, "Mommy doesn't know what she's doing," or try to take over when I'm parenting. Once, she even told my son that "Grandma is the only one who really cares about you."
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    When I told my husband about it, he was supportive but didn't want to confront her directly, thinking it would just make things worse. I felt like I was going crazy because every time I brought it up, MIL would deny everything or say I was being too sensitive.
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    Recently, though, it hit a breaking point. We were at a family gathering, and MIL made a comment in front of everyone that she should just "move in with us so she could help raise the kids" because I "clearly need it." I was mortified and furious. My husband stood up for me, but she started crying and said I was trying to "take her son away from her."
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    After that, I decided I've had enough. I told my husband that MIL isn't allowed. to come over or see our son until she learns to respect me as his mother and his wife. My husband is on my side, but now MIL is telling everyone I'm keeping her away from her grandchild out of spite, and some of my husband's extended family have reached out to say I'm being unfair. AITA for setting this boundary with my mother-in-law, or am I overreacting?
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    Icy-Mathematician373 • 10h ago NTA!! This is wild behavior from the MIL. Her son needs to start the conversation of boundaries with you, the family, and him if he feels it and stand his ground. Its hard, but ultimately if she is going to listen to anyone it's her son.
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    She is so far out of line with the comments to you and especially your son. You are in the right on this by a mile. If she can respect boundaries, she can come back around.
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    • Still Chasing Dopamine 10h ago NTA but I'm getting hung up on your age difference with your husband
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    squeeksmajeaks7 • 9h ago NTA sorry you're going through with this. But honestly if my son came home with a 16yo girlfriend when he's a college aged student I'd probably kick his @$$.
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    deepspacenineoneone · 10h ago • NTA. Grandma I around and found out. You can inform any nosy family that MIL is keeping herself away from her grandson with her venom and disrespect. No reason to protect her reputation, tell the flying monkeys any and every nasty thing she's ever done.
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    RamsLams 6h ago Imagine your 16 year old child dating someone your age. Does that bother you? Think about that.
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    bactrian91 10h ago Your MIL is a major ,make ur husband back you up 100%. Ur MIL needs to respect you and ur home, do not let her back in your house until you know that she will show you the respect that you deserve, and stops undermining you in front of your son! NTA
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    dehydratedrain 9h ago • NTA, but it should be your husband reaching out to the extended family and saying "until mom stops telling our kids that we are bad parents, and worse, blaming my wife for mom's bad behavior, she will not be seeing them." Bonus points if he adds "my wife didn't steal me from mom, I left because of issues like this."
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    GothPenguin · 10h ago You aren't overreacting and you certainly aren't an . Fair isn't let a manipulative, foul person around your kids because she's biologically related to them. Fair is refusing to let someone like her around your kids because they don't need her toxicity. NTA
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    Disas... • • 10h ago Edited 34m ago NTA. You have every right to set boundaries with your child, and your MIL's disrespectful and belittling behavior towards you warrants your current actions of not allowing her contact. I'm glad your husband is on your side, but he needs to be the one that is more proactive in setting the boundaries with his mother. She sounds manipulative and crazy and I wouldn't want her near my kid if I were you either.
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    TopAd7154 8h ago NTA. Make a list of everything she has said and done. Send the list to them all and ask them if they would have put up with it from their MILs. If they try to dodge the question, you say "That's not what I asked. Please answer the question I asked." Nobody will say it's acceptable and those who do? Weak.
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    purple_107 .7h ago Nta but u til your husband puts his mother in her place and sets boundaries this is going to continue. It's not your responsibility to correct his mother's behavior it's his.if he doesn't set boundaries you're in for a long miserable marriage with this overbearing mil.
    via u/Key-Drummer-6695

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